A Very Special Christmas Special

The boys discuss all things Christmas in this very special episode.
Featuring a very special ‘beer’ review, three very special movie reviews, and Brad’s Power Rankings.

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VIDEOS

Wholesome Christmas movies recut as horror movies

MORGAN’S MOVIE REVIEW

JINGLE ALL THE WAY, 1996 (Brad)

CHRISTMAS VACATION, 1989 (Lachlan)

THE PATRIOT, 2000 (Morgan)

The Patriot (2000) stars Mel Gibson as THE patriot and Health Ledger as another, lesser patriot, but nevertheless still a patriot. Gibson plays an 18^th century version of typecast: a man seeking revenge for a slain family member. It is the story of a widower who just wants to live a quiet life on his farm in South Carolina, with his children, and be left alone. He gives an impassioned speech against his state joining the war against England, expressing his desire to gain independence through diplomatic means. He purposefully states “I will not fight, and because I will not fight, I will not case a vote that will send others to fight in my stead”. He warns of the terrible tragedies and loss of innocent life that will necessarily come from war. He expressly forbids his eldest son from enlisting. This guy could not be more anti-war: he has experienced the horrors of battle first-hand and has no desire to experience them again. But just when he thought he was out… they pull him back in. After a sadistic British colonel kills one of his sons and takes the other hostage, Mel Gibson gathers his rifles, his pistol, and a tomahawk and frees his abducted son in one of the greatest action scenes in the history of film.

Now Mel is all-in with the war effort, doing whatever he can to find that colonel who murdered his son. In Ransom Mel yells down a phone line “give me back my son”. In Braveheart Mel yells “freedom” as he is being tortured. In What Women Want, Mel says “I’m gay”. But in The Patriot, Mel delivers perhaps his most chilling line of all time: “Before this war is over, I’m going to kill you”. It’s the kind of cold and measured delivery of a brutal and intense line that has only ever been matched by one other actor: Liam Neeson in Taken.

The Patriot has been criticised for being historically inaccurate, but, as an amateur historian, I can confirm that the Americans were the good guys and the British were the bad guys. That fact is accurately portrayed in the film, so the rest of it doesn’t really matter.

It is our great pride as Australians that the two main patriots in this movie were played by actors from our wonderful nation. However, we had our chance to gain independence from the British in 1999, in a referendum 223 long years after the US spilled so much blood to smell the sweet air of liberty. We could have gained our freedom without firing a single shot, but instead, we decided to remain part of the crown. Though we are still tyrannised by the British today, Australian patriots can watch this fantastic movie and dream of our greatest citizen, Mel Gibson, impaling a charging British horse with an Australian flag, instead of the stars and stripes.

9/10.

BRAD’S POWER RANKINGS

Top 9 reindeer

1. Blitzen
2. Donner
3. Comet
4. Vixen
5. Dasher
6. Dancer
7. Prancer
8. Cupid
9. Rudolph